ApologetiX: Smooth Grandmama

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Lyrics

As he came up to the window, heard the sound of Barry Manilow
He came into her apartment, smelled the Ben Gay and the chocolate
She was sitting at the table, he could see she had a Bible
Then she ran into her bedroom, got her teeth down and her perfume

Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny?
Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny?
Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny?
Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny?

Granny’s not an old maid, she’s a zealot with a bold faith
She’s a kind-hearted widow and she bought you a Nintendo, last week
You came into her apartment, left the mudstains on the carpet
And then she ran into the bedroom, she was knelt down, it was for you

Granny likes to crochet, and croquet, and quote Dear Abby
Granny causes road rage in the slow lanes, she’s no Andretti
Granny’s got the whole day to go pray for all her family
You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by, a smooth grandmama

So she came into the hallway, it was Sunday, had a snack made
Then the book of Revelation was the topic of conversation
Granny says, you know, babe, the Lord said in verse 3:20
He’s standing at the doorway, so don’t waste a moment, honey
And you gotta go pray or else, babe, you won’t gain entry

Then you told her OK, I want saved, I’ll go pray, Granny
Granny told you, OK, first you tell Him that you’re sorry
Believe He died for your sins, though
And accept Him and repento — Whammy!
He came into your heart then, you were prostrate on the carpet
Then she ran you to the next room
You were sat down, there was more food

Granny karaokes to old tapes of Sandi Patty
You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by, a smooth grandmama

Granny had a roast made and potatoes that were homemade
And she buys Poppin’ Fresh Dough
So she baked you some crescent rolls, man, eat!
You came into her apartment, and the blessings only started
And then your Granny took and fed you
You were stuffed now; it was her food

Granny brought you cold grapes and poached eggs and bowls of candy
Granny brought you milkshakes and fruitcake, keep Rolaids handy
Granny’s artichokes make your throat gag so don’t take any
And before you go, babe, you must take a roast beef sandwich

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